Just off the edge of the remembered

by Amanda Jones
 

Amanda is working on two works of fiction - one a collection of short stories and another longer work that blends historical research and contemporary writing.

I remember the day began with an early start, so we would arrive in time to watch the Spanish fishing boats unloading their night’s catch onto the curved expanse of smooth round black pebbles of the beach. The women gutting the fish without pausing their rapid conversations. Out of sight, in another picture perhaps, nets are mended, bartering continues and news is exchanged but here we are, captured in the aspic of the camera’s eye.

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At five, this was new to my little brother. His face glows with delight. He crows quietly with pleasure. One of the older fishermen, with brown, wrinkled hands cracked and marked by age and grime, had presented Jon with some tiny fish. In the picture, he holds one, suspended delicately between his fingers, while I watch with joy at his pleasure.

The tenderness of our parents frame the picture, Father’s camera lens shapes our image while our mother stands back, relaxed, pleased to observe our unity. We form a tender group, ignored by the bustle of the fishermen and women around us. We have abandoned the villa and my father’s parents for a morning together.

Forty years later, gem-like memories persist. A long drive up a mountain to visit a live spring in a cave, where we collected drinking water and smelt the cool mossy blackness behind the waterfall. The fish market, the plastic covered stool at the metallic bar where we shared a plate of fresh grilled sàrdinas, swimming and trips to exotic (for the 1970s) restaurants with live flamenco dancing.

The villa, with a curved pool whose glittering surface called to us from outside the shutters of our darkened bedrooms.

Here and there are occlusions, ripples of dissonant adult emotions. The darker shades of our grandmother’s erratic moods appear here and there, like a series of tiny unrecognizable insects, suspended in the amber of our childhood. Tears and recriminations appear just off the edge of the remembered, causing a faint distortion. Those were happy days.